adventuring: social integration for people who just want to read tumblr

[cimorene]

I've been trying to be more adventurous and more sociable. Being sociable takes a real effort for me because I like talking to people that I already know but I hate talking to people that I don't know yet, so I have to swallow a huge mountain of anxiety and remind myself consciously to smile and make small talk and respond with a question about them if someone asks a friendly question about me, and it's completely exhausting, and plus last week these two Russian girls in my class just came BOOM! outta nowhere with horrifying racism against Somalians (??? they're like our best immigrant demographic in Finland, they culturally value learning Finnish and becoming highly educated and upwardly mobile and shit, so wtf?) and I feel like I was cosmically punished for conversing with them instead of reading fanfic on the ereader.

I mean, basically, in short, I'm just introverted but I need to work with these people on a regular basis and improve my mental and social health by forming relationships with them and use this opportunity to practice how smalltalk works, because I have got to get better at that shit. So I have sternly resolved to try. And I have been trying!

Anyway, I have actually formed friendly connections with several different people from the class (I don't count the Russians I was friendly with before WHOA RACISM because I'm not sure if I can bring myself to be friendly to them now if there's a choice) but I don't know any of them well enough for the anxious period to be over and every day is kind of exciting but also exhausting, and I think I have just become overstimulated and the weekend wasn't really long enough to recover. I probably need a good 3 consecutive days of solitude to process but I can't have it. Maybe I need breathing exercises or, uh, mantras, or something.

Um. Anyone know a good mantra?

Comments

[laughingrat]

The whole social thing is really tough. IDK. I prefer to hide under my bed.

[foursweatervests]

This isn't really a mantra, per se, but I tend to count when I'm doing unappealing tasks. Like today, when I was trying not to be sick all over someone. It worked! Also: list-making and checking them off mentally. Said hello: check. Asked friendly question: check. Moving on: check plus!

[cimorene]

I suppose I have avoided mental counting for some time because my mom talks about her OCD and how if she starts counting she can't stop. I actually can though (admittedly it is a bit of a wrench). But still, the fact that it's so distracting could work in its favor I guess.

Also it's depressingly likely that a Social Interacton Checklist would actually be of great benefit to me. So thanks!

[foursweatervests]

Hey, whatever works for you. Maybe reciting poetry or song lyrics or practicing conjugating verbs would be better than counting - I find whatever it is doesn't actually matter, that the repetitiveness is the most important part for me.

I break mine out at parties. I am the awkward bundle of awkward at parties, and the checklist is such a lifesaver.

[devon]

Your mantra could be something like, "10 more minutes" and then, "5 more minutes, and then, "I have to go to the bathroom. Talk to you soon!" There's no shame in a strategic retreat if it helps you regroup before you have to face people again.

[msilverstar]

Now that I have a smart phone, a trip to the bathroom is a great escape, yeah.