so i can breathe.
3 Aug 2004 12:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cimorenesometime i want to be like,
[INSERT DRAMA QUEEN HERE].
oh wait. i did! well, it's a good day for--. it's a good day, anyway.
did i ever mention that my work-friend sherman--the learning-impaired middle-aged sacker?--told me he'd done me "a favor" last week, which it turned out was asking a student at the second-rate community college near here whether it was hard to get in? (it isn't.) my inner high school!cim, who i often think is dead, rears her head sometimes at times like this. i said "oh, well, no need--i got in"--but what i wanted to say was "my college was the most selective liberal arts school in the country when they accepted me, so i think i can handle it." you know, like, when you get only the second-highest gpa in your class of 500, and that annoys you? yeah. they're all conditioned responses from childhood, i realized rather painfully over the first two years of my college experience--that one-upping freakish over-achiever-ness--but they're still there even after all that's happened to me since then in the way of death and rebirth. just something for me to chew on. when i say that i "feel like" cim and not my real name because now i'm a different person... do i really feel that, or is it wishful thinking? am i still the six-year-old who got the black cricket doll and the seven-year-old afraid to learn to ride a bike on the inside?
[INSERT DRAMA QUEEN HERE].
oh wait. i did! well, it's a good day for--. it's a good day, anyway.
did i ever mention that my work-friend sherman--the learning-impaired middle-aged sacker?--told me he'd done me "a favor" last week, which it turned out was asking a student at the second-rate community college near here whether it was hard to get in? (it isn't.) my inner high school!cim, who i often think is dead, rears her head sometimes at times like this. i said "oh, well, no need--i got in"--but what i wanted to say was "my college was the most selective liberal arts school in the country when they accepted me, so i think i can handle it." you know, like, when you get only the second-highest gpa in your class of 500, and that annoys you? yeah. they're all conditioned responses from childhood, i realized rather painfully over the first two years of my college experience--that one-upping freakish over-achiever-ness--but they're still there even after all that's happened to me since then in the way of death and rebirth. just something for me to chew on. when i say that i "feel like" cim and not my real name because now i'm a different person... do i really feel that, or is it wishful thinking? am i still the six-year-old who got the black cricket doll and the seven-year-old afraid to learn to ride a bike on the inside?
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(no subject)
Date: 3 Aug 2004 12:19 am (UTC)No, no- it's not that you only feel that way but you actually are this different, evolved person who has become more than the sum of your more-than-immediate past. I totally think that way about me and if I had the money I would so have changed my names (on lj, for example) a billion times to go with the change but that's ickle stuff compared to growing as a human being. I hope I'm making sense.
And I totally feel you on the gpa thing; I just had to recently transfer my AP credits and it made me feel happy just knowing I took 'em. Even though you totally get mad props for being second-heighest. Man, I wish I were in that stratosphere gpa-wise back then. Now, I'm just more or less nervous about upcoming JC.
> am i still the six-year-old who got the black cricket doll and the >seven-year-old afraid to learn to ride a bike on the inside?
I dunno, are you? I find trying to write non-fic to be kinda therapeutic. I'd love to read vignettes of the above if you ever go that route.