writing in swedish

[cimorene]

makes my brain itch and hurt in the same way as listening to norwegian and danish - as if it's something i'm capable of learning as i go by actively and constantly making connections, but not something that i already know how to do. this makes sense, because in a way that is how composing in swedish is for me, a process that involves a much finer and more careful and deliberate process of laying out the sentence and searching my vocabulary for words than the process of composition in english, which is lightning-fast and requires no significant reflection.

writing which is in any way artistic or narrative is worse; because the rich wealth of details, of metaphors and evocative little phrases, are all at the tips of my fingers and all in english. inasmuch as all my thoughtprocesses are tied up in language, all are executed in language, i can even be said to know more in english than in swedish; composing in swedish demotes me from a quick, fluent, and articulate user of language to a hesitant and rather error-prone, much quieter and less self-assured person. (in english i am a know-it-all, frequently willing to leap into class discussions even if no one else but the teacher will participate; in swedish i tense in agony, hunting furiously for the correct words to express what i want to say, then hesitate in indecision: can i pronounce everything? does that really mean what i think it means? i hardly ever contribute to class discussions in swedish.)

what i'm writing is a simple descriptive exercise, the sort of thing i frequently do for fun. if it were in english i wouldn't be able to type fast enough, would barely have to think about what i wanted to say; to write in swedish i have laboured for two hours over a single page, constantly rephrasing and referring to the dictionary. my creativity is running up hard against the wall of my language ability and has been stubbing its toes again and again, with increasing force, all evening. after just a few hours of this i am sparking with nervous energy, fidgeting, even becoming angry.

it makes me think that i truly need to practise more, to get better. i think i had better stick to my resolution to speak swedish at home every other day, and read books in swedish (novels, not just course literature). i want to be able to be proud of my language abilities. i want to stop lacking for self-confidence in discussions and having to silence myself when they veer towards debates. i want to be articulate again.

Comments

[syredronning.livejournal.com]

A tip: When I'm writing in another language and don't know a word, I write the missing word in brackets and research them when going over the text later. Constantly looking up the dict is really breaking the flow.

The good thing about writing in another language is IMO that one is writing "straighter", in a leaner language. But my stories are definitely different depending on which language I wrote them in. And translations don't really fix that difference.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

the reason i don't really do this is that i want to connect the language directly to concepts, not through an extra layer of english translation in my head. even though my ability to compose is slower and less fluid in swedish than i might be if i wrote in english and then struggled to translate, the limits are still good in a way because they keep me to expressions i'm more confident of and prevent me from accidentally saying something other than what i think i'm saying. because i don't want to get into the habit of mixing in thoughts in english when i am thinking in swedish, i don't pepper the text with words in brackets unless i can't avoid it, such as when i can't reach a dictionary.