cimorene

my great-grandmother died last sunday night while we were out of town. specifically, we were in wichita visiting my mom's college friend/ex-boyfriend, playing with lasers and such. sleeping on the couch.

my father found out tuesday night when we got home in the middle of the night (2 am, i think he said). today is friday, for the record. i just found out because he wanted to tell my sister and me at the same time and apparently was incapable of saying "would everyone be quiet for a minute? there's something i'd like to say."

she was within a week of her 100th birthday, but still 99. we already had a memorial for her of sorts in miami when we were there. when we returned from that vacation, i made this post of what i read at that service, if anyone's interested.

when i was about nine one summer i had a nightmare. my great-grandmother was more active then, and she sat in a rocking chair and told people not to be mean to my grandfather and criticized my sister for standing on the furniture, etc. she was always wearing house dresses. i had a dream where i was in her lap in the chair, and she had blue eyes and she was laughing at something i said. i turned around to tell her i loved her, and then her eyes started to fade. i just knew this meant she was dying, and i had to tell her i loved her before she died. i opened my mouth and tried to say it but her eyes turned gray then and she was already dead. i woke up crying.

the thing is, i always told her i loved her, but we've never really been that close. she's been clinically depressed as long as i have known her, almost impossible to communicate with, and for most of that time i was a child. on this last visit she was completely unresponsive. i said i loved her, but i don't know if she heard me.