cimorene

i don't know where my mind has been today. i mean, i do, but--

i've been on an emotional roller coaster. last night was a dizzying high. spent the morning with lisa, my not-big sister, which is always good, only we were alone long enough for her to talk long enough for my mind to start to wander again. sort of the sermon effect, only it takes longer because lisa is more interesting, but after awhile my brain starts grabbing on to bits and pieces of what she's said and fitting them into the things i've been mulling over lately. so was that good? maybe. probably will help with writing. the end result is, though, that i'm now distracted and a little shaky.

i've had tentative plans to more fully move into bev and dave's house. i know they want me to, and i want to, but then we call the plumber and they arranged to call back my house, so i had to stay there waiting for the phone. not enough time or concentration to write. was going to spend the night here but mom wants to watch serendipity when i get back. meanwhile i'm peeling sopping-wet towels off the bathroom floor, cleaning out the linen closet in the master suite, dripping water on my pants.

for a few undisclosed reasons i foresee a long and rough weekend. i'm going to try to hole up here and get some writing done, possibly have a good time, after all. there's still so much turmoil from the thinking i've been doing lately--about aubry (my favorite cousin since we were little) and various of my friends and the weird way i relate to people mostly--that i'm not even sure, exactly, what i'm worried about.

i think i know what i'm thinking, but i'm not sure about that either. sometimes i fool myself, with a surface track, you know, and something else coming out that i didn't realize i was thinking all along? (go... back... away!)

he said, 'take my hand--
live while you can'