Headers: Don't Be That Guy (rec) and A Digression into Backhanded FB (my own)

[cimorene]

penknife explains fic headers with praiseworthy, exhaustive thoroughness (you could give an exam on headers with this post as the text) and a dash of wit in Headers, or the only way we have to judge a book by its cover, making it a worthwhile read for all from the utter newbie to the bitter old fandom queen who never neglects her headers at all and just wants to enjoy the snark.

For some reason, people often seem inspired to write things in the Author's Note field like "I decided to write Bob/Ted even though I think Bob/Ted shippers are dumb and all the other Bob/Ted stories I've ever read suck" when posting to a Bob/Ted community. Don't be that person.

You know, I've often wanted to say something like that, but I've never managed it so concisely. Don't be that person, guys. Even though the urge is often strong, no good can come of it!

That quote reminds me of the Insulting A/N's close cousin, the Backhanded Feedback. Which brings to mind that somewhere I was reading lately, someone was talking about Don't Be That Guy in the context of how "I enjoyed your Bob/Ted story even though I think Bob/Ted shippers are dumb and Bob/Ted is inherently inclined to be sucky" is not the great complimentary fb you might have thought it was. I'm pretty sure it was in the context of the Due South wank (aka Ray Wars iteration #1,600,042: Yes We're Still At It, What Is This Fandom History of Which You Speak?¹) accompanied with flounce that was at Fandom Wank last week or so. Can't remember the precise context or the exchange, though, just that it's the first time I've seen anyone respond to it with "Hey, I totally leave feedback like that all the time and it's really a compliment".


1. No, I'm not making this up. Yes, they really are still at it. See?

Comments

[suaine.livejournal.com]

The Ray wars are back? That makes me feel very old and also a bit nostalgic.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know, right? And the last time I was into Due South, which was a whole fannish generation ago it seems, there were the occasional wee echoes of Ray Wars and then people would always wax nostalgic about the Ray Wars of ancient times. DOUBLY ancient now, it seems.

[suaine.livejournal.com]

Yes, this, exactly. I got into Due South when the Ray wars were a thing of memory and hurt feelings and people still licking their wounds, and now it's like "blast from the past!". It's very odd, yet strangely reassuring. There will always be wank, and apparently, there will always be *the same wank*, so one never has to worry to miss something, because the universe will come back around to it eventually :D

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

I didn't see anyone saying they say "I enjoyed your Bob/Ted story even though I think Bob/Ted shippers are dumb and Bob/Ted is inherently inclined to be sucky" and view it as a compliment.

But some people were saying that "I liked this story even though I don't usually read [pairing/trope/whatever]" was the equivalent of the above, and lots of people saying that to them it's a huge compliment. I'm one of them. If someone liked my story despite not shipping the pairing or whatever, that says a lot more to me than someone who's already primed to love every story with that pairing that crosses their path just because they can't get enough of their OTP.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

The way I recall the exchange that I read, the case was the other way around: someone brought up feedback prefaced with "I usually hate pairing/trope/whatever", and in reply someone said that that was the equivalent of "I like this even though I don't usually read pairing/trope/whatever" - but these are two different things. "I usually DISLIKE X" does not carry the simple and neutral connotation of "I don't usually READ X", but the loaded connotation of "I dislike most of X". If either one of them is followed up with "...but this changed my mind about X," then it instead connotes "I used to consider X's foundation to be inherently wrong, but I now see the value in it." But on the other hand, stressing making an exception only reinforces that they don't like X.

This is in a sense a matter of "I liked your story a lot and here are my thoughts on yaoi", except that in this case X/yaoi is generally an object of the author's fannish love, which is something that many people feel emotionally involved with, and unsurprisingly, "I usually think the object of your fannish love is boring, or sucky, or distasteful, or irrational because it's not supported by canon!" doesn't go over well with them, even when it is brought up for the sake of making them a compliment.

Obviously these people realise that the intent was to pay a compliment, but that doesn't really matter if the other content of the comment pisses them off. The net result is not the gratification of having received a compliment, but the bruised feelings of having one's taste insulted (as the Fraser/Vecchio shippers felt in this particular kerfluffle). Since that is the opposite effect from what most people intend when they leave feedback, and it's kind of hard to know in advance whether someone belongs to the large group who identify with the objects of their fannish love so as to feel insulted by being informed that other people dislike them... well, that sort of feedback is a little unpredictable.

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess it must be a matter of identification. They both feel the same to me and are both highly complimentary. I would much rather someone like my story for its own merits rather than simply because it contains their OTP.

[brownbetty]

I recently got on a fic "Hey, I liked this story even though I'm not familiar with the canon!" to which I said, being complimented, "Thanks, if you liked it, you might like the canon."

To which they replied, and am I being oversensitive? "Nah, but keep writing more, I want to read it!"

Also a fair amount of "I don't usually read this pairing, but-" which at first was flattering and by the end was sort of O.o

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

Well, not everyone is looking for new canon, especially if it's complicated or long or not in a format they like, or just because they already have enough on their plate in terms of TV shows or whatever. There's a big difference between reading one or two fics and getting into an entire new fandom.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I regard that sort of info more as "THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS ON YAOI" because, really, if you don't bring it up because you want to *discuss* the canon - if you've already decided you're still not going to read it - then... why? The conversation's dead before it's started. How are you supposed to reply? But then, at least it's not as bad as "No, I think it's horribly boring", which I have actually gotten before.

[birdsflying]

oh my, The Ray wars are back? Ahaha, oh, oh *fandom*.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

INORITE. I mean... *really*????