Wax and I got onto the subject of bad epithets...

[cimorene]

...and it occurred to me that I now have a tie for favorite epithet I've ever read! That doesn't happen often. I mean usually there's ONE most horrifying fictional occurrence (example: child rape, still the top of The Horrifying Things Scale) or ONE hilarious epithet. Shocking things tend to blow whatever previously-most-shocking thing came before them out of the water, instead of leaping into a dead heat.

Poll #893 Funniest Epithet

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 15

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Which of my two favorite epithets is funniest?

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The average-sized apartment for a man who lives alone
3 (20.0%)

The red-haired athletic tennis player with a permanent bandage as a facial accessory
12 (80.0%)

Indeed those are funny but this write-in is funnier:

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Speaking of The Horrifying Things Scale, I still place penis shrapnel at a mere 9/10 while child rape takes the cake at 10/10, but until recently I'd read three child rape stories and only one Penis Shrapnel Story, because, really, penis shrapnel: it's not the kind of thing you just come up with. But as of two days ago I've now had to say that I have read two penis shrapnel stories. Admittedly, there was no shrapnel, but there was a surprise!penis disfigurement involving Metal In A Way That Penises Aren't Meant To Involve Metal. And I think that, morally, that has to be grouped with Penis Shrapnel.

Comments

[cupidsbow]

In Torchwood, there is a story in which Jack eats through Ianto's wrists during sex, and Ianto bleeds to death while asking to be taken to the hospital. Frankly, I rate that alongside penis shrapnel.

I cannot tell you for sure if there are explicit child-rape stories or penis shrapnel stories, because I back-tab like lightning at the first whiff. I back-tab a lot in this fandom.

I can tell you that having an immortal character makes some writers... horribly inventive. *shudders* I don't remember coming across those kinds of stories so much when I read in Highlander, but then I never read much Methos/Kronos.

Torchwood: a fandom which sets the badfic bar so consistently low that even cockroaches have trouble doing the limbo.

[brownbetty]

OH GOD WHY DID I READ THAT. I CAN'T UNREAD IT.

[cimorene]

My thoughts exactly. Now I'm just trying to forget, forget, forget, and not a) picture or b) speculate on the circumstances (in the absence of Gmail's "Mark Unread" button).

[cupidsbow]

I think I may have become a little desensitised in this fandom. I apologise. :(

[brownbetty]

No, I'm okay, no worries! But oh my.

[cupidsbow]

Well, that's a relief. I tell you, the good fic in this fandom is so worth it, but the badfic? I've never read badfic like it for sheer awfulness. It's not quite enough to drive me from the fandom, but some days it comes close.

[cimorene]

Yeah, I wouldn't read anything that was labelled "torture" or anything that seems gross, which makes it especially remarkable that I still end up reading things containing (and all of these are SURPRISE! aka unwarned-for) penis shrapnel, penis torture (albeit offscreen), child rape, vehicular manslaughter, etc. Although OK, I've never read a story where someone ate through someone's wrists during sex? I mean - uh - there WAS a warning on that, wasn't there? PLEASE TELL ME THERE WAS A WARNING O_o.

[cupidsbow]

I don't read anything labelled 'torture' either, as a rule. It's not my bag. Although quite often, stories with torture warn for 'angst' and 'violence' so I get surprise eviscerations or whatever, instead of the mission-gone-bad I was envisioning.

That particular atory I mentioned is so infamous that I read a line or two of the 'highlights' in a review rather than in the story proper (thank goodness). I think the review did warn (although I followed a link to a point part way through, so wasn't really adequately warned), but I don't think the story warned appropriately -- that was part of the critique. Even the quotes made my eyes cross, however, so I clicked away before finishing the review.

In my experience, it's the writers who don't really understand what they've written who get you, because they don't know what to warn for. I'm actually starting to suspect that includes the show's writer, RTD, so perhaps in this fandom it should be considered canon. It would explain a lot.

[cimorene]

Hahah, that's one way to put it. 'Don't understand what they've written' can probably be applied more or less to anyone who subscribes to RTD's particular attitude towards criticism ('What meta? How can racism/homophobia be on TV/meaningful in an institutional context/applied to ME? It was totally just an individual ~~artistic~~ decision! It was NECESSARY FOR THE ANGST!'), because although most of their protestions are heavy on the butthurt and probably disingenuous, to deny the context of a piece of popular media as a member of a societal pattern is... at best a really limited understanding.

[cupidsbow]

*nods* You know, I've kind of hit a point where non-internet people annoy me just by opening their mouths, because they keep saying stupid shit like that. And then they look at me as though I'm the one who's crazy. :/

[cimorene]

Yes, it's kind of a stonewall to discussion when someone doesn't believe in the societal-institution level of context. How can you understand anything to do with interaction between people if you don't have this concept? How can a gay man honestly think it's possible to produce queer texts magically free of context-laden meanings?

[everysecondtuesday]

In Torchwood, there is a story in which Jack eats through Ianto's wrists during sex, and Ianto bleeds to death while asking to be taken to the hospital. Frankly, I rate that alongside penis shrapnel.
You're serious? D:

I don't remember coming across those kinds of stories so much when I read in Highlander, but then I never read much Methos/Kronos.
. . . Sadly, I did, and I am having terrible flashbacks where there was all that and more.

[cupidsbow]

Sadly, I am indeed serious. And I'm rather glad I never dabbled in the Methos/Kronos reaches of Highlander fandom now. :)

[everysecondtuesday]

and only one Penis Shrapnel Story, because, really, penis shrapnel: it's not the kind of thing you just come up with.
I remember a Sherlock Holmes one! Except it was more the aftermath years later of penis shrapnel and Watson's hatred of all things gay, but desperation for orgasm from Holmes by means of his prostate (because, well, penis shrapnel means that sort of stimulation is right out). It was just helping a friend out, honestly! . . . Sometimes, I have to wonder at the things I have read the whole way through over the years.

[cimorene]

The original (that is the one the name came from) penis shrapnel story from the Horrifying Things Scale was in fact a Poirot/Hastings epic. But in fact I've read several stories where Watson has erectile dysfunction, it's just that in my experience the injury is left in his leg since that's where it's located in canon. At least I don't think I recall any actual claims of penis shrapnel, but I have been less tolerant of badfic and have been reading much less Holmes/Watson in the last few years.