Wax and I got onto the subject of bad epithets...

[cimorene]

...and it occurred to me that I now have a tie for favorite epithet I've ever read! That doesn't happen often. I mean usually there's ONE most horrifying fictional occurrence (example: child rape, still the top of The Horrifying Things Scale) or ONE hilarious epithet. Shocking things tend to blow whatever previously-most-shocking thing came before them out of the water, instead of leaping into a dead heat.

Poll #893 Funniest Epithet

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 15

View Respondents

Which of my two favorite epithets is funniest?

View Answers

The average-sized apartment for a man who lives alone
3 (20.0%)

The red-haired athletic tennis player with a permanent bandage as a facial accessory
12 (80.0%)

Indeed those are funny but this write-in is funnier:

View Answers

Speaking of The Horrifying Things Scale, I still place penis shrapnel at a mere 9/10 while child rape takes the cake at 10/10, but until recently I'd read three child rape stories and only one Penis Shrapnel Story, because, really, penis shrapnel: it's not the kind of thing you just come up with. But as of two days ago I've now had to say that I have read two penis shrapnel stories. Admittedly, there was no shrapnel, but there was a surprise!penis disfigurement involving Metal In A Way That Penises Aren't Meant To Involve Metal. And I think that, morally, that has to be grouped with Penis Shrapnel.

Comments

[everysecondtuesday]

and only one Penis Shrapnel Story, because, really, penis shrapnel: it's not the kind of thing you just come up with.
I remember a Sherlock Holmes one! Except it was more the aftermath years later of penis shrapnel and Watson's hatred of all things gay, but desperation for orgasm from Holmes by means of his prostate (because, well, penis shrapnel means that sort of stimulation is right out). It was just helping a friend out, honestly! . . . Sometimes, I have to wonder at the things I have read the whole way through over the years.

[cimorene]

The original (that is the one the name came from) penis shrapnel story from the Horrifying Things Scale was in fact a Poirot/Hastings epic. But in fact I've read several stories where Watson has erectile dysfunction, it's just that in my experience the injury is left in his leg since that's where it's located in canon. At least I don't think I recall any actual claims of penis shrapnel, but I have been less tolerant of badfic and have been reading much less Holmes/Watson in the last few years.