quotes of the month, 2017

[cimorene]

2016


January - "The Leafs are Actually Good" - Jeff Veillette

February - "We're Team Tiny Mustache" - me on the facial floof stylings of our bunny, Chief Inspector Japp
"We have wonderful mosses and lichens" - This Old House

March - "Remembering the bees" - Twitter meme on Pittsburgh Penguins NHL hockey player Conor Sheary
"Stuff like this never happens to Matt Murray" - me about my clumsiness

April - "Ohjelma tuntuu toimivan hitaasti" - Viaplay Finland

May - "I'm sorry but honestly this is some pretty entry-level analysis" - Tumblr
SEXIG & PROBLEMTYNGD - we can't remember but it perfectly describes Captain Flint

June - "Go back to Alberta!" - us at extremely Alberta-sounding hockey names

July - "Fuck George Lucas, Carol" - me on the death of the author
"Nevermind I just cried" - Tumblr on emotional disengagement

August - "Vigotskotsky for Swedes" - me, misspelling folk musicians in calligraphy practice

September - "I'm WILDLY aware!" - Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
"It's hilarious that thousands of horses have no idea that they're cops." -Twitter

October - "Not when seven people end up dead." - Reddit????

November - "Thanks, I hate it" - Tumblr /"Grazie, lo detesto" - Tumblr

December - "Just kidding I will stab his horse" - Chuck Tingle on The Godfather

Who knows - maybe next year I'll remember to write down context for the ones that I later forget.

Comments

[phosfate]

Ever since "I will stab his horse" went up, I keep trying to work out the logistics of how one would go about murdering a horse (reasonably simple, but harder if they want to keep the skull intact), cutting its head off (pretty difficult if you want to be relatively neat and quiet), not have anybody phone horse guy when they find (most of) the body in the stall, breaking into horse guy's house (I'll handwave that, I assume the Mob has housebreakers who are good at removing large objects, so bringing one in...eh), get the head into the house quietly, put the head into the bed next to sleeping horse guy without waking him (Is he a light sleeper? Is anybody with him? He seems like a guy who'd have live-in staff.), and then quietly fuck off (again, handwave).

Any house I've ever lived in, there's gonna be pictures knocked off the walls, somebody's gonna step on a Lego, the dog's gonna go nuts, the neighbors' dogs are gonna go nuts, and I'm gonna be awakened by the sound of a cat lapping up horse bits. Even if I don't have a cat. Our neighbors' cat used to break into our house.

The first half of the job would be simpler if you first kidnap the horse and take it somewhere isolated, like the place in Jersey where you dump the bodies. Of course then you have to bury 90% of a horse, unless you've got a guy at a slaughterhouse.

Surprisingly, hiring someone to clean up your now gore-stained home is the easiest part.

[cimorene]

This could make a good story from the point of view of the overworked logistics guy...

[phosfate]

Go for it. "For God's sake, I was hired to make sure there were enough hookers and booze!"