cim's everything you wanted to know about social psychology and obligation

[cimorene]

it's irrational to get pissed off when, like, people are rude to you randomly, or inconsiderate, or whatever. people are bound by laws and by rules (say, if they attend a school or whatever) and by obligations that they enter into. social obligations are another thing entirely, which isn't to say that they don't exist, but people don't have to follow them. you don't have rights to things from other people, beyond those rules and laws. you don't have the right to expect things from them, really; and our whole society, all of human society, is built around expectations and unwritten contracts and if you do this for me i'll do it for you, and it works. it works. but what works in the general--doesn't work in the specific, because no given person has to--. give up their seat because you need it more, or step out of your way, or let you cross the street, or make allowances for you showing up late, or say something nice to you simply because they know that you'd like them to. but we're wired, wired, to expect it. and thus to be disappointed. we're wired to expect things to be fair, and in that we include that if we do something for someone they return the favor, and if we like someone we like them, so we're monumentally offended if someone we liked doesn't like us, or if we do something nice for someone who accepts it rather blankly, and does not feel moved to be nice in return.

i'm a lonely painter
i live in a box of paints
i'm frightened by the devil
and i'm drawn to those who ain't afraid
i remember the time you told me love is touching souls
surely you've touched mine
because part of you pours out of me
in these lines from time to time

Comments

my head..

[kwirbx.livejournal.com]

I wish i could express to you what i feel in my head sometimes. Perhaps i don't...my head feels like it's not sure of where it is. I have a cold. Heh, you gotton sick yet? Here, you can have my seat because i have a cold and don't know where i'm going anyway...you need it more. Sit down, have a seat. Would you like coffee? I have none however, thought i'd be nice to ask.

Re: my head..

[cimness.livejournal.com]

ummmmmmmmmmmmm...

::squints at reply::

thank you, yes. but you keep the seat. i'll make the coffee.

;)

Re: my head..

[kwirbx.livejournal.com]

uh...yeah.

we're wired, wired, to expect it...

[sirndipiti.livejournal.com]

..yup, i think there's a hell of a lotta truth in what you say

it's hard get past expecting certain things--and in some cases (many cases?) we are setting ourselves up for disappointment

and just when we've gotten ourself to the point of not expecting anything from ANYBODY, along comes the exception and we try again--(well, ok, sometimes things really do work out the way they should)

wired to expect things to be fair -- i dunno about that one, when from a cosmic perspective, fair has no meaning -- things and events just are--no value assigned (imho)

Re: we're wired, wired, to expect it...

[kwirbx.livejournal.com]

i tend to agree with what's most popular. So my answer is yes.