the one ring

there's a fake one ring floating around our house somewhere, from books a trillion (motto: but not more than one that you want, and certainly not every one in a series!). i'm going to go there today and see if i can get one. i MUST have one. to go on my keychain, yes.

now i'm going to try to go back to sleep.

so dilemma?

so, my dad wakes me up at nine am to ask if i could answer the door if someone knocks in the next ten minutes.

because if someone knocked on the door and no one else got it, i wouldn't answer. right.

and then an hour later to ask could i go pick up lillian at tae kwon do. which i declined on the grounds of still being asleep.

and THEN the handyman arrives, and he's in need of a babysitter monday and tuesday and is accustomed to paying $8 an hour and says my dad, 'that would be like $150 for both days.' but if you do the math. okay, $80 is ten hours which means $160 is twenty hours, so, like. ten hours a DAY? of babysitting a 3 year old and a five year old?

and more importantly, ten hours a day without chatting.

whoa.

i dunno.

[edit: i said i would. dunno what i was thinking. well, yes. money. but ugh.]

' i'm not crazy about the idea of pot anyway.' 'me either. but it's not the gateway to hell. at w

another candidate for the sweat nymph award was discovered at the not-too-choosy smallville slash archive, here.

okay, it was really two stories mixed together, for a start. it used the time-honored tradition of skipping back and forth between two scenes with a little page break thingy and no further explanation. which, okay, i've been occasionally guilty of, although not when the scenes were occurring in two separate universes.

story #1 was about clark kent's friend pete having a party with drugs and marijuana. clark goes (lana is also there, naturally) and takes one hit of pot and passes out, evidently, because next thing you know it's, that's right, folks, a SCENE SWITCH, and...:

suddenly clark is on this table and lex and hamilton are--get this--DISSECTING/KISSING HIM. well, lex is doing whatever sexual stuff is going on, which is not a lot, but is enough to be confusing given that clark is tied up with kryptonite chains and twitching. and has green veins and other bad effects such as screaming. okay, but maybe it's just bdsm. um. or something. they're torturing him... with sexual innuendo. well, stranger things have certainly happened.

( back at the party, clark is in convulsions or something-- )

stay away from crackfic, folks, it's NOT a pretty sight:

GhettoHobbit: I'm retreaded
cim thing: maybe you should go to bed. o.O
GhettoHobbit: Nah
cim thing: at least you didn't misspell that.
GhettoHobbit: I know! I['m so proudn
GhettoHobbit: FUCK! FUCK A DUCK
cim thing: HAHAHA! are you high or something?
GhettoHobbit: YES
GhettoHobbit: I'm being dissected!
cim thing: ::wipes away tears::
cim thing: HELP! someone help holls! HOLLS! listen to me!
cim thing: come back!
cim thing: I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEED YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
cim thing: oh god, i'm having convulsions of laughter, i think i'm high too
cim thing: is that blood on my shirt? or just sweat mixing with the dye?
GhettoHobbit: Its sweat! From the nymph!

...that must be it.
[edit:hollsk's dream pales beside the shitty story, but it's still pretty strange.]

questions you shouldn't have to answer before midnight #1, 348, 566:

is sucking monkey balls worse than sucking multiple asses simultaneously until they hurt?