(no subject)

somehow i failed to notice that if i have this schedule i will have no time to eat lunch.

erm. oops? i still have time for breakfast, though. the bathroom's shut and locked, though. and! the door's open to the attic, for the first time. i wonder what's going on up there. once more the living room is full of physical plant workers.

i meant to call my mom last night, but then i didn't do it. didn't call lisa or carolyn either, come to think of it. my mom has this very unfortunate job where you can't call her at work (she's a middle school teacher, so you have to call the office and leave a message and then if they feel like it they'll take the message to her like four hours later. but the only way she can call back is from the office, and she can't call long distance there).

(no subject)

does anyone think that i should get dressed? let's take a vote, here. hm hm hm hm hm.

(no subject)

eeep. ::burble::

that was a fraser/kowalski at due slash. i'm just incoherent right now. of course, f/k doesn't even have to be too transcendentally wonderful to do that to me, but nonetheless: right. um. dressing. should get dressed.

more spam--

i need some paper. where is y planner? goddammit.

(no subject)

okay, like, whenever i'm out somewhere i'm fine and whenever i come back to my room i get depressed and start crying. i'm sensing a pattern here. but i need my laptop. and i don't know if it will work, but maybe if i take it to the campus center or something...? my god, i hate this dorm. can't deal, can't deal, can't deal. hum to the tune of your choice.

(no subject)

i feel like my life is a bomb which has unfortunately exploded in the past few days.

i had every right to be scared all summer.

(no subject)

wax_jism, i marked a passage in this book that i must read to you. so. pick a time when you're going to be in one place with a phone for, you know, a while. and hit me.

::pines::

(no subject)

i had dinner with lisa and she's having random panicky attacks of homesickness too.

okay. so. it's not just me. and i'm more neurotic about it than she is, but THAT'S nothing new. what did la prinsessa eat for dinner, you ask? a third of a bowl of cereal, half a chicken breast, a bite of pickle and a slice of bread.

::wastes away::

(no subject)

had a lovely icon of the picture much favored by kmazzy and hollsk. GR. ::kicks paintshop::

also my mother and i had this lovely conversation, despite my better judgement.

me: ::mournfully:: i want to go home.
her: oh, you want to get a full-time job and pay rent?

::kicks mother::

and you may now behold the:

new default icon, which i stayed up far too late reconstructing considering what i feel like.

the not-sister's email even failed to cheer me up, and i was im'd by a random person claiming to know me who wouldn't say who it was.

yeah. that's my night.

and the fight with my mother of course.

basically, it ALL sucked.

tomorrow, shrinkage. where's my wax?

the cosmic mysteries of mothers

okay, and before bed i want to say this:

my mother drives me fucking nuts. i'm not saying i don't want to talk to her. when i cry i still want to curl up under her jacket and play with her elbows. but no. things that make sense both BEFORE and AFTER talking to her make no sense at all DURING. so i'm unable to explain them. their explanations completely and totally flee and i'm left hemming and hawing and backpedaling.

why? why, why, why?