anxiety, shoes, and presents
15 Jan 2009 06:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cimorene∞ When I went to work Monday, I ended up staying all day and doing my thing in my fluffy house socks with the rubber traction dots on the bottom. Needing some slippers or something, on Tuesday I brought my embroidered Chinese MJ slippers:
But my feet were still in agony. So yesterday I brought the most comfortable shoes I own - Birkenstocks. I didn't really expect them to help quite as much as they did. My feet were pretty much fine. It will be sad if I end up splashing water or food on them - being made of wool felt, they might be damaged - but I suppose that, since they are now over 8 years old and no longer the most expensive shoes I own, I can stomach this possibility.
∞ You might know that I struggle with social anxiety, but part of the deal with social anxiety is that it depends on not knowing what to do in a social situation. Unfamiliar social settings are the worst, and a feeling of alienation can fester and make the whole thing much worse (since Finnish society is subtly different from the society I was raised in - manners are different. People are different. This isn't surprising - it's just a source of anxiety). But a consequence of this is that I tend to feel much better, even happy and confident, when I know the social situation. Situations with clearly defined roles are much simpler, because I know what to expect and I know that the others involved also know what to expect. Working in a grocery store, for example, suited me just fine, and I didn't have any difficulty behaving in a friendly and loquacious manner there, because it was part of the role. And I've also known pretty much what to expect in the daycare setting, too. So in only a few days I have settled in enough to drastically reduce my day-long stress/anxiety, to the point that this morning I actually felt well-rested and woke up easily at 5:30. Yay!
∞ Wax got a second tattoo yesterday. This is the second time we have chilled with the tattooist and my social anxiety having lessened significantly in the last several days as I got in the habit of talking and being friendly, I enjoyed this time much more. Wax and Olli and I had a spirited and interesting discussion for several hours as he was working, about stupid names, Finnish rap music, illegal drugs, and Alabama In General (aka football, southern accents, racism, fraternity culture and the good ol' boys' network). Also, some dude came in with a screencap when Wax was done to have a meeting with Olli about getting a copy of Antony's tattoo from the end of Rome. It's this awesome stylised Egyptian snake that curls down over his shoulder and around his nipple like it's going to attack his collarbone, with a flared hood, and it is so incredibly cool. I struck up a conversation with him spontaneously (which is like something that I would seriously never do) and in general left the entire day feeling buoyed and cheerful.
∞ My parents sent me goldfish crackers, DVDs (Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn & the anniversary ed. The Princess Bride), and the necklace I asked for! And they also included one of the first stuffed toy dragons my mom ever made. She collects dragons and dragon art and her house is covered in them, and making them was a sort of hobby. This one is fat and made of dark green velvet with a ruched pink satin belly and crystal button eyes. ♥♥♥ My childhood came streaming back and I felt very loved. It was HER personal dragon, you see; she made me my own when I was 5 because I loved it so much, but mine was made of gold lamé and I loved it so much that it wore out completely.
But my feet were still in agony. So yesterday I brought the most comfortable shoes I own - Birkenstocks. I didn't really expect them to help quite as much as they did. My feet were pretty much fine. It will be sad if I end up splashing water or food on them - being made of wool felt, they might be damaged - but I suppose that, since they are now over 8 years old and no longer the most expensive shoes I own, I can stomach this possibility.
∞ You might know that I struggle with social anxiety, but part of the deal with social anxiety is that it depends on not knowing what to do in a social situation. Unfamiliar social settings are the worst, and a feeling of alienation can fester and make the whole thing much worse (since Finnish society is subtly different from the society I was raised in - manners are different. People are different. This isn't surprising - it's just a source of anxiety). But a consequence of this is that I tend to feel much better, even happy and confident, when I know the social situation. Situations with clearly defined roles are much simpler, because I know what to expect and I know that the others involved also know what to expect. Working in a grocery store, for example, suited me just fine, and I didn't have any difficulty behaving in a friendly and loquacious manner there, because it was part of the role. And I've also known pretty much what to expect in the daycare setting, too. So in only a few days I have settled in enough to drastically reduce my day-long stress/anxiety, to the point that this morning I actually felt well-rested and woke up easily at 5:30. Yay!
∞ Wax got a second tattoo yesterday. This is the second time we have chilled with the tattooist and my social anxiety having lessened significantly in the last several days as I got in the habit of talking and being friendly, I enjoyed this time much more. Wax and Olli and I had a spirited and interesting discussion for several hours as he was working, about stupid names, Finnish rap music, illegal drugs, and Alabama In General (aka football, southern accents, racism, fraternity culture and the good ol' boys' network). Also, some dude came in with a screencap when Wax was done to have a meeting with Olli about getting a copy of Antony's tattoo from the end of Rome. It's this awesome stylised Egyptian snake that curls down over his shoulder and around his nipple like it's going to attack his collarbone, with a flared hood, and it is so incredibly cool. I struck up a conversation with him spontaneously (which is like something that I would seriously never do) and in general left the entire day feeling buoyed and cheerful.
∞ My parents sent me goldfish crackers, DVDs (Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn & the anniversary ed. The Princess Bride), and the necklace I asked for! And they also included one of the first stuffed toy dragons my mom ever made. She collects dragons and dragon art and her house is covered in them, and making them was a sort of hobby. This one is fat and made of dark green velvet with a ruched pink satin belly and crystal button eyes. ♥♥♥ My childhood came streaming back and I felt very loved. It was HER personal dragon, you see; she made me my own when I was 5 because I loved it so much, but mine was made of gold lamé and I loved it so much that it wore out completely.
