(no subject)

it's supposed to reach the 70s today and it's 41 right now? wtf? [edit: it's not 41. it's in the 50s or 60s at least. the temperature thing is utterly insane.]

also, wtf re: waking up at 8:30 before 9:00 class. oh, ow. i have ten minutes. this is not sufficient time to eat breakfast.

"I won't rip it up."
-Prof. Woodson, TH&DA 35, regarding a student's project

had a disturbing dream that consisted almost entirely of trying to decide which pair of black satin underwear and which pair of jeans to wear. i'd like to point out that in reality i do not own any black satin underwear. or any satin underwear at all.

oooooooooookay.

i feel like i've been asleep all semester. which is not to say i feel like i've woken up, oh no, i'm still asleep but i've only now realized it. and "asleep"'s probably a poor characterization of my state, too. i haven't been particularly depressed, and it's not like i've been totally unaware, but i seem to have stopped caring about some things that i used to care about. i'm utterly astonished. how did i ever become such an over-achiever (which i was through all my childhood!), when it's clearly so utterly unnatural for me? my parents never pushed me that way, either. it was a bizarre chance, apparently. so all semester, i've only done the work that i wanted to do, but it's not as if it's really that simple, either, because it's like i haven't quite perceived work in the way i used to. through high school there was this work-related compulsion. i'm feeling echoes of it now, as i not-surprisingly failed the quiz which i didn't study for at all. i'm not exactly upset, though perhaps a bit embarrassed, as i do have a sense that i ought to have studied, and the professor is pissed at me and i do like her. well, it's just...: i sort of feel i ought to explain it, but there's not much to say. i mean, "i can't make myself do this work because i'm congenitally unable to do things that are this boring"? yeah, good plan. anyway, so.

today:
*lunch
*walk into town. go to bank, drugstore and bookstore
*review linguistics
*English
*more linguistics
*meet with advisor about linguistics
*dinner
*make-up English class (writing workshop)
*write Japanese oral final (for thursday/friday)

tomorrow:
*get up early. go to Japanese to have oral final reviewed by professor.
*study Greek
*or Japanese
*work
*laundry
*read two novels

more long-term shit:
*Japanese oral finals thurs/fri (1:35-1:40)
*Japanese final, self-scheduled, starting next mon
*Greek exam next tues (2:00); also last day of Japanese evaluations
*English paper due wed (4:00)
*linguistics paper due... some time (fuck)
*packing up my stuff
*fly home saturday (a week from this coming saturday, that is)(11:30)

and i'm feeling a bit of stress--but it's more of an, "oh, god, i SHOULD be stressed about this; why am i not more worried?" kind of thing. i'm confident i won't fail anything but greek, and it's possible i won't fail that, but that's if i do a lot of studying i don't necessarily have time for at this point. hm. well, i suppose i don't really mind failing it, anyway.

i'm gonna fill your mouth up, make you live again*

my water is full of little suspended particles of tea. mental note: if you rip the tea bag open, rinse the cup before you fill it with water. actually, it kind of tastes better. blackcurrant tea/water/raspberry froz yogurt/golden grahams/chocolate. mmh, a v/ nice flavor. yeah, off to buy deodorant and notecards.

*not sure if i can make it out correctly, but i think that's what she said.

i want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees

walked into town. first passed girl whose cool hair i've been noticing for a few weeks: it's short and fine and v/ spiky on top and today was newly bleached platinum. i had a long-sleeved thin cotton peasant blouse over my camisole to avoid sunburn and sweated a great deal, as it was v/ v/ hot (current heat index 77, or 25 C).

gave my last $1 to a homeless veteran with a jolly smile (well, ok, i still have $500 in my checking account) and smiled back. and anyway, on the way back walked under a cherry tree in bloom, shedding little petals on me, and passed a boy asleep on the grass in the town common, curled up on his side and oh-so-cute. he looked a lot like wax_jism's no-longer-used icon of frodo asleep on the statue's head. i mean, i couldn't see his face; cute is a judgement on his little curled-up position.

got a roll of quarters; can now do laundry, which i am doing. good, good. ahhh, time to study. but i don't mind. life is good.

(no subject)

how dare livejournal be down when i'm trying to procrastinate! *fumefume*

told cute lesbian professor about the saberhagen dracula novels (we're studying the original dracula just now in her class). she seemed quite intrigued but confessed ingenuously to having never wanted to read "science fiction or vampire novels" (cim bites lip so hard she draws blood). must. not. murder. cute professor. hey, maybe she'll like it... and maybe i should read linguistics now. as i have a meeting in an hour and fifteen minutes with my advisor, ne? ne.

i know that it's weak, but god help me, i need this

my cute lesbian english teacher is SO. CUTE. someone needs to snuggle her to death. i hope her partner does it regularly. when she laughs she blushes and ducks her head. and she has this compulsive need to sit down in a high place (table, window sill) to listen to someone else's theory. ahaha. she's so cute!

i'm rather glad i haven't seen them together. couples who are cute tend to reduce me to bibbling, like my parents and aunt and uncle and roommate/fiance. also the gay couple from my church at home, kindergarten teacher/book artist (which is also just an unbearably cute pair of professions, btw. squEE!)

almost a glimpse of motivation...?

i feel inspired enough that i could write (or at least start) either of my final papers tonight. that's cool. of course, instead i've got a bunch of reading to do, followed by quite a lot of composing in japanese. which i'll have to do by fucking hand. (want. win. xp. guinevere33, do you still have that pirate cd?)

procrastination

thank god the oral exam is nothing but three minutes of describing an object. i can write THAT tonight. no question. it should only take a couple of hours tops. probably not that long, because that's how long it took me to describe a face the other day, and i had to keep looking up words.

also there's this discolored spot on the top of my left thigh, slightly darker, maybe a little rosier than skin tone, but most of all it just looks like a handful of small shadows. i haven't been out in the sun, i haven't had a bruise (that i remember) or any kind of rash. maybe it's caused by a vein? i could see how it could be in the shape of a vein, but it doesn't hurt at all. or stick up. or anything. it's just... there. in fact, it took me a long time to notice because i kept assuming it was a shadow. my eyes just skimmed over it. pressing on it produces the predictable result of its fading back to normal color, then darkening almost immediately again.

sitting in this chair is really fucking uncomfortable.

alright, alright, i'm going.

decisions, decisions.

yeah, you probably don't want to read my ( japanese oral exam brainstorm mumblings. )

qotd

oh well, i'm doomed to hell anyway for not being baptized, so i might as well make merciless fun of the oblivious, self-absorbed, and untalented while i'm at it. yay!

-ravie
very comfortable in her handbasket, thank you